Friday, May 06, 2005

Breaking News!

Today, in an elaborate ceremony, the flags were finally switched. President Bush spoke of his hopes for the new government as the McDonald's Flag was raised above the White House. Till now the McDonald's flag has flown below the U.S. flag, but with the change in administrations it is now given a place of honor.
At the swearing in ceremony, Ronald McDonald placed his hand on a super sized box of fries as he took the oath of office. "I want to keep our priorities strait" said McDonald in a news conference on Thursday. "My critics complain about inflation, unemployment and rising gas prices, but I reply Dollar Menu! McJob's for everyone! Canola oil powered cars!"
McDonald refused to respond to accusations that the entire U.S. economy could not be powered by fries, saying that reporters were trying to complicate the issue.
We asked senator Anonymous (D, Virginia) for his opinion on the new president. "I honestly don't think it will be that much of a change" he said. "There's nothing new about having a clown in the White House, and they've been trademarks of large corporations for decades now."
In related news, McDonald’s stock was up today. We're not sure how much, as the stock exchange computer system crashed with the flurry of buying. The shares are estimated at about $5000 each. The stock is expected to split 70 for one on Monday.

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