Maria was sitting in the family room a few minutes ago watching 3ABN, or at least trying to. There is a problem with 3ABN around here that has something to do with the local cable company and low original quality and digital junk and short Swiss men in the CIA, the end result of which is static. Whenever there is a light background there is static and a loud buzzing noise, which is why I generally don't bother watching 3ABN. 3ABN almost always has "happy" colors, so there is almost always static. Besides, I hate happy colors. They make me tired.
Maria had only been watching for a few minutes when the static began. With a rather loud exclamation of disgust she turned the volume up, which turned the static up, which caused her to turn the volume up some more, which made the static louder, until the television was at max. The blaring buzz brought me from the other end of the house. I stood in the doorway and watched her predicament with silent amusement. She was covering her ears and trying to listen to the TV at the same time, the results of which were comical. Suddenly she turned to me and said "Turn it!" I tried to explain to her that it was cable, and that the fault lay with the company, not the television set. What little she heard was lost in translation so to speak, so she repeated herself "Turn the television!" Asking her to turn down the volume, I again explained that the fault lay with the cable company, and that turning the television wouldn't do any good. She stared at me. "Turn it!" she said, then turned up the volume again. Sighing, I went over to the television and turned it. The static stopped. "PRAISE GOD!" Maria said. Instantly the static began again. "Turn it!" she said. I turned it. The static stopped. "PRAISE GOD!" exclaimed Maria in her high screechy voice. The television waited for the joy of the moment to pass, then went about its normal duties of static and buzzing. "Open the cupboard!" said Maria. I tried to explain to her, again, that it wouldn't do any good, but apparently the issue lay with the word "cable". Since "cable" was the only word I wanted to communicate, I opened the cupboard. The static stopped. "PRAISE GOD!" said Maria. I glared at the television and asked it what part of "cable" it failed to understand. The television responded that it felt very "BWAAAAAAAAAA!!" at the moment, or static to that effect. "Open the other door!" yelled Maria. I opened the other door to the cupboard. The static stopped. "PRAISE GOD!" yelled Maria in a voice that set my teeth on edge. I began wondering if perhaps my lack of faith was causing the television to be staticy. The static began again. Without being asked, I turned the television. Still static. I closed the cupboard. Still static. I left the room.

"PRAISE GOD!" I heard Maria yell.