Beach day

I'm not much of a beach person. Upon encountering large groups of people engaged in monotonous chaos, I tend to sit and stare in disgust. I would much rather snorkel or fish, or perhaps swim around grabbing people's legs and pulling them under. Fear me.
But not today. Today I went to the beach like a normal human being. It's not that my opinion had changed; it's that my activity options had changed. I had recently bought an inflatable kayak, and I was going to take it outside the breakers for some paddling around. I was going with some friends (who happen to be girls), and my family (of mixed gender).
We reached the beach on time (which was unusual), and without losing anyone (which is a first altogether). I immediately began inflating my kayak. This is a slow and tedious task that involves a lot of passing out and dry nose wheezing, as I have thus far failed to purchase a pump. The task of inflating the kayak completed, I began to walk toward the beach. I carried the 8 foot red and black monstrosity across the chaotic sands, looking much like a giant stop sign.
The life guard whistled. I was still 50 feet from the water, so I disregarded it. She whistled again. I hadn't gained very much in the 2.3 seconds since the last whistle, so I disregarded this one also. The whistles came fast and hard, and in my general direction, until I put the kayak down and looked around for the idiot that was causing the trouble. The life guard came strait for me. I placed the paddle inside the boat, and braced myself for stupidity. "Those aren't allowed on this beach." she said, looking at my kayak on the sand. "Oh?" I said, trying to act naive. "I didn't see any signs, did I miss them?" She continued staring at the kayak. She appeared to be searching for words. I helped her out. "Is there any place other than this beach where I could take it?" I asked. "Sure, you can take it around......." she drifted off. "I don't know what this thing is, but it's not legal anywhere." she said. I looked down at the small inflatable. "I guess it's kind of a kayak..... kind of" she said. "It's an inflatable kayak, they're all over the place" I said. "I don't know what it is, but it's not legal anywhere" she said, and then walked away, swinging her hips triumphantly. "Use a bodyboad" she called back. "They're perfectly legal".
I cursed under my breath as I analyzed her statement. According to her, it was an unidentified yet specifically illegal object. I fumed as I walked across the street to a long row of small shops selling over-priced junk. I purchased a bodyboard. It was a piece of styrofoam with a nylon cover, but it set me back $9.00. I quickly saw why they were legal; they are worth about $4.00 (and usually sell for about as much). I took the board out into the waves, which had managed to grow to about 2 feet. I rode a few in, enjoying a slow yet fun ride. On the way out after the third wave I braced the board against my chest as a wave came by. It snapped in half. I learned on a Morey board, a dense soft foam board of slightly higher caliber. So much for this place's junk.
On the way back home we were stuck in traffic. A trucker passed us, and seeing my two friends in the car, placed a sign out the window. "FLASH ME!" it said. We laughed half heartedly, and they did not oblige. A little while later we passed another car. "SHOW ME YOUR TITS!" said another sign, this one pressed up against the window. The young man inside gave us a greasy smile. I gave him the finger as our lane sped up.

JOIN ME IN MY FIGHT AGAINST STUPIDITY, BELICOSITY, AND CHICKEN-WITHOUT-A-HEAD-BUREOCRACY! STAY AWAY FROM EVERYWHERE! DON'T BUY ANYTHING! VOTE LIBERTARIAN!

Ok, so the last one probably won’t help much of anything. Try eating lots of fiber and drinking more water, that solves most problems.

go to Kimmi's blog to see someone else's oppinion on the day.